Hey girl what is up??

I just had a really long conversation over myspace/Aim with Matt's Ex.. Funny.. Pretty much you were always right about him :) I am so niave' sometimes!! Shes okay.. It felt good for me to be able to tell her that I wanted it to work out for her...Because that means I AM OVER IT! OH yea! Its like.. Matt who? LOL!

Anyways.. So my great g-ma is in the hospital.. it scared me so bad when I heard my aunt scream from the garage: NICHOLE!!!! We had just gotten back from taking her to get her hair cut and when we were gettin her back in her house she went completely limp and her eyes rolled back into her head! It was so scary! I had to call 911- I had never done that before! Except that one time we did it on accident! Remember? :)

So she has to be hospitalized for 3 days anyway though, before she can be placed in mesa springs retirement home.. she needs 24/7 care now.. her parkinsons is gotten too bad :(

Anywho.. So I LOVED your letter. I will write you back soon! I still have to write to mark.. He is mad that I havent yet! Oh jeeze! I have to write to Steen too! You 2 should write me a joint letter and mail me a SWEET mix of COOL "I miss you" music!!

Okay write me back! I love you! Godbless-

Nichole <3

hey

thanks for the letter, and I am so happy that you are happy. I knew Texas would be a place where you would thrive. The opportunities seem endless for you over there, and you are in much better hands.

I'm happy you have found something that has kept you going. I know that your life has been far from easy or fair, and it takes a very strong person to face life sometimes. I know you are a very strong individual, and you are lucky to have been able to believe in something that you find so true. The thing is, I don't find christianity so true, for myself. I don't know all the answers, and you do make strong points about faith. But faith to me goes farther than christianity, and it's not pinpointed to one belief. I have faith in other things, while you have faith in God. My faith may not be as strong and deliberate as yours.. but I'm learning, you know? I want my horizons to be completely open before I make a decision as iportant as to what I believe-- what I base my life on. Who knows, if we were all born in china we would all be buddhist! I just don't want to settle down with one idea without knowing others. That way, when I do find it, I can back up what I say. I know somethings there, theres got to be. I just don't necessarily think its god. That's okay for me. I'm used to the feeling of not knowing and my curiosity always keeps me thinking. I like it that way.

Even though I'm not a christian, I am so glad to have you as a friend. Religion is a part of you and i think it's awesome you are striving to live as a better person. It's commendable really. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for caring.. Im kind of tired so this whole entry might be a bit sketchy. Haha, I love you. Ttyl



:)

Kerr

Hey girl- How are you? Sorry it took me a while to write this to you. Gosh I have alot to say. Please just be open minded and try to understand the things Im about to say okay?

So I read you "What is religion anyway" post. I have to say... It totally sounded like something you would write. Usually I wouldnt say anything back, because well I have always been afraid you wouldnt listen... But for once I guess I will say what I want too.


Your dream was really freaky. But just like you thought it meant something, I think it does too. I know that you've got a Bible background.. that you grew up in it etc. But I think that dream was more of an expression of that part of you thats inside somewhere. YOU CARE enough about your friends to pray something you don't even belive in for them. That to me is amazing. I dont think the dream was meant to represent fear, but more like a representation of love.

Religion isnt about being afraid.. it isnt about being scared of what you dont know. When you believe in God it's because you have FAITH. I know you that to you the bible is just another book.. and I know i cant spit out scripture to you because you arent going to belive some words from a book that is meaningless. But i wanna tell you, the bible is Gods book to me about LOVE about what he did for me, what he can do for me, what he will do for me.

Being a christian isnt about following rules, or NOT doing something fun. Its about recognising who made me and finding love and comfort in that. The lord wants to love you.. just as much as he loves me. Fear doesnt come from the lord- but fear can come from the unknown you are right. and its a SHAME when people get scared into religion for the wrong reasons. Religion wasnt meant to be a scary thing, a thing about DO's and don't and even more dont's. If I was afraid of religion then there would be NO FAITH in me.. I wouldnt believe in it so much if I was just doing it so i wouldnt go to hell. The bible wasnt meant to show people rejection.. but hope for a future.

But think about this. If religion was really based on fear.. and scaring people into christianity .. then what were they afraid of? You wont fear if you have nothing to fear in, so something real must be making the people afriad.. but like i said fear doesnt come from the lord. his love is always waiting-

In this verse that you said "Do not be afraid any longer, only believe"...

That verse mean DO NOT be afriad of the sins you commited, Dont fret about the lies, the scandals, the drugs, like liqior, the sex, the anything. It means TO BELIEVE that you are PERFECT and blameless through christ. That you are forgiven if you except it. That verse is meant to lift people up and give them hope. That verse is meant TO SHOW GODS LOVE TO YOU. That he loves you enough to FORGIVE you and tell you its okay.

I know that religion is hard for you kerry especially because of sarah, and because you are SO USED TO THOSE who claim to be christian but only on sundays right?

I just wanna share with you why I believe in God.. When my mom died kerry, I didnt blame God, because he was the only one who helped me. She was meant to go when she did and I see that now- 8 years later. No one helped me through it, my dad never got me cousling, he never cared at all it seems- the only thing I could hold onto was the lord and i did hold on but not because i was scared. I did it because it felt good to know I was in good hands. I wont lie and try to hide the fact I have REALLY screwed up in my life. I did things I shouldnt have done... but whenever I did those things i always felt like crap and i felt like crap because I knew god wasnt with me when I did them.

I know im not perfect by any means at all, and NO christian is perfect. but GOD doesnt hold my imperfections against me... I have FAITH and thats why I believe.. and this isnt supposed to be a "GET SAVED" letter to you. I just wanted to let you know how I felt when you said religion was about FEAR.. but its quite the opposite, Its about LOVE and trust.

Like I TRUSTED in the lord to bring me to texas to get away from Matt.. and THINGS HAVE BEEN AMAZING ever sence I left.. and IT WAS SO HARD to go, I was so "safe" there but I gave up what I wanted and left.. and because I TRUSTED in him.. I havent been let down ONCE. Yea things will always get hard occsionally but I dont EVER have to FEAR :)

Now like I said before, I wasnt going to say anything at all.. but I have to share with you WHY i did write this.

Sunday night, I was at Whataburger at 3 am with some friends.. and this guy came up to me and asked me If I was saved. I said yes and kinda blew him off thinking he was nutty. But he continued to tell me "The lord wants YOU to be BOLD and tell her what you have to say"...

I FREAKED OUT!! That guy KNEW!! I truely feel that was a special msg. from God to Me. To tell you kerry.. Dont be afraid of God. He wants you to know that isnt what he meant for it to me. Kerry, God loves you and wants more than anything for you to be able to expeirence it some day. I know you are thinking.. whatever nik you are crazy, relgion is about having NO FUN.. but kerry its not like that at all. and if YOU EVER have any questions PLEASE come to me and ask... because im willing to answer the best I can..


These past few days have been CRAZY WEIRD.. But I like it. Because things like this DONT JUST HAPPEN!

Godbless-


I LOVE YOU
Nik

Hey,

whats goin on? Today has been super lame. Last night i hung out at Kim's with Jake, Jesse, Otis, his girlfriend, Paige, ben.. and others. We had a mondo game of monopoly, and Jake won because he buys EVERYTHING. after that I spent the night at whitneys and we watched center stage in her room. t'was fun... it reminded me of the good ol' days back when we were sophomores.


Today i went job hunting, all by myself. I got a bunch of apps from the troutdale outlet mall and I think I might get this job at maidenform. We will see. haha, me...selling bras.. priceless.

I cant stand my dad lately. all we ever do is fight, and i have to talk to him about my speeding ticket here when he wakes up. Im not looking forward to that at all.

tomorrow me and steen are going downtown. should be fun. wish you were here. Its sunny today, about 80. (haha, sunny for us)

Tonight I think im going to beccas for a while.. or for the night. brent and steve arent actually all that bad, and brent is actually cool when you get him in a good mood.. which has been pretty often nowadays. weird. anyway...ill talk toy uo later.

love ya!

Kerr

Kerry-Dearest-Lovely:

I miss you a lot... Texas is.. HOTT.. really hott. It is in the 90's right now. It hasn't rained once since I've been here.. I hear oregon has been FULL of rain! That sucks! I'm talkin to the Jake Gillinhall boy.. Haha I am such a pedafile!! Well its almost 7 and I just got out of the shower and got ready. I was going to go write some letters to Stina and Mark!! Well write to me.. Let me know whats up?! Tonight I might be gone hanging out with some peoples! I will let you know later on if I had fun of if I fell in love. hahahaha. Peace-Holla-Holla!!

♥Nik

hey Nik, I'm just about to finish your letter, so I will write more soon. You should write to me in here.


LIKE NOW!


KERRY